Parenting with Precision

Dear reader!

 

Thank you for choosing to read this book. I hope that it will not just live up to your expectations but also change your life.

Raising children is an important life issue that most of us face at sometime in our lives. I am sure you opened this book because you are experiencing some issues in raising your children. Maybe you feel confused, angry or even powerless sometimes.

Readers of my previous book, Euphoria in 90 Minutes, have been waiting for this book for a very long time. I started planning this book a year and a half ago, already working on the structure and content. I worked on it actively in the last three months and finally have a result. Why did it take so long to write this book?

First of all, I wanted to understand why – despite the huge amount of literature on the issue of raising children on the Internet – my subscribers still wanted to hear about this topic.

Second, I didn’t want to write something that had already been written hundreds of times by different psychologists. I wanted to understand what is missing in ordinary books and why people were still searching for something, despite the abundance of books on this topic.

Third, I collected materials from my practice so that this book would be as useful and practical as possible.

And now, the time has come.

Maybe you haven’t read my book Happiness in 90 Minutes and this is the first time you are hearing my voice as an author. If you are wondering who I am as an author, I suggest you skip to the last chapter. There I talk about my personal path and how I honed my method. I also talk about which psychological problems I have solved and what makes me a competent expert in this topic. And otherwise, I have decided not to waste your time on getting to know each other and will get straight to the point. Most of you already know me. I always write as clearly as possible and without unnecessary details.

 

So what makes this book different from others?

 

First, this book is not written simply based on experience with my own children. Nor is it written on the basis of theoretical research in the field of psychology. This book is based on the real experiences of more than 10,000 of my clients from different fields, ages and social and mental status.

 

Second, this book is not written just to give you food for thought or oversimplified instructions on how to train children. This is a much deeper book that will change your way of thinking so that you will eventually learn to be connected and feel your children yourself. You will develop your own parenting style suitable to you and your children.

 

Third, this book is not about how to raise an obedient child so that they don’t cry and just do their homework. No. This book is for those parents who want to raise their children so that they grow up and become great people in the future! This book is not only about how to make them happy but also about how to maximize their talents, improve their abilities, increase their self-confidence and independence and make them leaders in their field!

 

Fourth, this book was written not only to educate your children, but most importantly, to educate you. You don’t need me to know that raising children begins with educating yourself. Don’t worry it won’t be boring, long or painful. On the contrary, by reading different stories, you will get a lot of insight and see your own mistakes. In this way, your thinking will already change in the process of reading. And if you still perform practical tasks, then you will very quickly move to a qualitatively new level of relationship with your children.

 

Fifth, this book is much larger and broader than just parenting advice. By using the tools in this book, you will improve your relationship with your spouse, with your parents, and even with your colleagues, co-workers, supervisors and friends. There is an inner child in every person, even if they are 70 years old. In every person there is a pure, innocent and bright childish soul. And the purpose of this book is to learn how to work with the human soul – to help reveal it as much as possible and become happy.

 

Sixth, this book will be very useful even for those whose children are grown up. Even if your children already have their own children, and even if your relationship with them has already gone downhill, this book will help you catch up and improve your relationship. Believe me, by working on the relationship, you can stop the generational trauma of bad parenting. After all, the psychological trauma of your children will lead them to harm their environment and eventually your grandchildren.

 

And last but not least, I am writing this book for a more broad purpose than just helping you raise your child correctly. I am writing this book to reduce violence, crime and suffering in the world. Even if this book does not go further than one country, if 5% of those people read this book, in a few years there will be huge positive changes. After all, science has long proven that societies are maintained and developed by very bright minds making up less than 1% of the population.

 

I must warn you, if you just want to raise an obedient, submissive child, this book is not for you. It’s surprising, but there are some deluded people who believe that raising children is the art of suppressing them so that they obey and follow orders. If you are in this category, this book will break you down. But don’t just throw away the book after the first unpleasant feeling.

 

I need to reassure some readers who are already panicking. Don’t be afraid of raising a great person! Your child will not leave you if he or she becomes a strong individual. You don’t need to keep them in suspense all their life so that they are always close to you. On the contrary, if you help them to self-realize as much as possible, they will be grateful to you and you will have a loving and caring relationship.

 

By now, you’ve probably guessed from the style that this book is for a wide range of readers. It will be useful not only for the most harsh parents, but also for those who raised very strong personalities with maximum love. My practice has shown that even very wise parents make mistakes because their children also come to sessions to remove their emotional pain.

 

The book is called Parenting with Mathematical Precision because we will solve specific problems and will get specific results. You will understand that the soul of a person can be understood with maximum accuracy, and in the end you will learn to act as correctly as possible, and with the maximum probability of success. If you are wondering why I am so confident, you need to know that it comes from experience and is based on the feedback of thousands of clients – as well as on the basis of changes in their lives in a very short time. The method that I developed and patented a few years ago has already been tested and honed in practice many times.

 

Of course, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the readers of my previous book for your kind comments and for your support. Your feedback and trust has given me the confidence to write this book.

 

It is worth noting that I provide complete confidentiality to all my clients, and therefore all the data of the characters in this book are slightly changed, but I tried to leave the essence of their stories as authentic as possible without significant distortion.

 

At the end of this book you will receive a nice BONUS personally from the author. But do not immediately flip to the last page. It would be better to at least familiarize yourself with the book.

 

So, let’s get started with the main part of the book!

 

 

 

Chapter 1. ​​Contradictions of parenting theories

 

So what’s the secret to good parenting?

 

Why is there so much controversy over this issue? What type of parenting is ideal? Maybe we should take the example of the Japanese style of parenting, because Japan is a rich country with its own unique spiritual values ​​and culture. Or we could choose a European or American style of education, since they are seen as pioneers in the field of democracy and individual freedom.

 

Or instead of pursuing Western values, we could choose an Eastern style, so that children would respect family values ​​and be modest, down to earth and peaceful? We could choose to treat children harshly as in the Soviet Union, because in those days children were more obedient and less capricious than now.

 

Or, on the other hand, we could try to educate them the way our ancestors raised us two or three hundred years ago, without reinventing the wheel. Maybe we give too much freedom to our children? Should we choose a religious upbringing so that they respect God from childhood? Or should we teach them strict discipline, without giving them a single drop of freedom?

 

I am sure that many of you have struggled with these questions. There seem to be so many opinions out there and a strong lack of common spiritual and cultural values in our society. One family uses a traditional approach to parenting, and another brings up their children in a Western style. If their children get married, a culture war breaks out between the two of them.

 

For example, imagine a pair of newlyweds, where the wife grew up with democratic concepts, but the man in a patriarchal family. They will start arguing from the first day of their marriage. Their fights could even end in divorce, and the wife would most likely become a single mother. Their child would grow up without a model image of a family, and in the future they would experience a lot of difficulties in relationships too.

 

However, if there were united and proper cultural values, there wouldn’t be so many issues in relationships, and children would grow up happier in general. Entire countries would prosper on this foundation. There would be no unemployed people struggling with depression and there would be no suicides. Even government officials would be more honest, having been raised with good standards such as honesty, decency, love for work and respect for people. There wouldn’t be so many alcoholics, gamblers and drug addicts because there would be less people traumatized from their upbringing.

 

In such a society, there wouldn’t be parents who beat or rape their children. And of course, countries would not constantly fight with internal enemies and would not spend money on projects where corrupt officials could easily steal money. The government would develop the economy, helping to maximize the potential of the people. At the same time, bright minds would not run away from countries in search of justice. And entrepreneurs would not give up on the injustice and problems of officials, criminals and bureaucrats. On the contrary, they would become successful and enter international markets, making the country even stronger.

 

I have worked in various fields throughout my life. And because of my natural curiosity, when deconstructing any problem at work, I liked to ask the question “why” many times. I like to get to the root of the problem. And no matter what kind of problem it was, in the end I was always convinced that the underlying issue was trauma.

 

Example #1: A manager makes irrational decisions, without listening to their employees. Because of these decisions, hundreds or even thousands of employees suffer. What could be the reason for this? The manager might have a superiority complex that arose because their parents didn’t love them enough in childhood.

 

Example #2: An important state project gets stuck because of the greed of a high-ranking person. He is corrupt and used to stealing and he doesn’t want to fall behind his friends. If he falls behind them though, he will feel like an outcast, because in childhood he was oppressed by his parents.

 

Example #3: A high-class professional was good at his job and was even a leader in the company. But one day he got married and his efficiency dropped sharply. He started drinking alcohol and making many mistakes at work. He doesn’t feel happy in his marriage, and finds his wife to be manipulative and to accuse him of tiny things. Why did he choose her? It was unconsciously because she reminds him of his mother, and when he was a child his mother was unhappy and used to abuse him.

 

As you can see, mistakes in parenting leave a huge mark on a person’s life, and these mistakes can haunt them throughout their life. And as you can see from these examples, there can be widespread negative effects because of one traumatized person; their trauma doesn’t just affect their close circle. If you look more broadly, because of a few traumatized people with power or influence, the entire planet suffers.

 

We don’t need to look any further than Hitler. It is widely known that Hitler had a very difficult childhood: His father was very cruel and brought his children up harshly. Therefore, Hitler became embittered not in 1939, but much earlier – in his childhood. Many tyrants were born with the same hard fate, and some of them are still alive, ruling their states with terror and even starting wars.

 

Now, imagine how the world would change if every family raised their children properly? What would happen if every head of state grew up in love and justice? What would happen if shop assistants, taxi drivers, doctors and teachers were people who received enough love in childhood?

 

This world would be wonderful! Each person would do their job not out of fear (of losing their job, of losing their wage, etc), but out of love for the environment and their country. Each person would try to be useful to society and would make their contribution without waiting for help from anywhere else. People would not have to deceive each other, use violence or commit crimes. We would be able to communicate with each other without sinking into negative emotions. We would easily trust our children to teachers, and easily let our children go for a walk on the street. We would live with so much peace, without worrying about living from paycheck to paycheck. We would hear each other, and moreover, we wouldn’t use alcohol or drugs to find pleasure in life. We would experience less stress, and would get sick less often.

 

What I describe is not a utopia! Nor is it a fairy tale or a fantasy. It is possible to build such a world. With the pain hunting method, this world is already being built. Thousands of people have already dramatically changed their lives and many of them experienced a level of happiness that they did not know even in childhood.

 

Now back to the original question. How exactly can we raise our children so that they grow up without psychological trauma, so that they are cheerful, happy, successful and responsible?

 

Try to stop reading for a moment and think about the correct answer.

 

Are you thinking of the wisdom you have accumulated over your life? Or, on the contrary, do you have a mess of conflicting ideas? Perhaps you can describe the principles of ideal parenting if you are given a couple of hours to think about it. But I’m a specific person. As one wise man said, if you cannot convey your idea in a nutshell, then you do not understand anything. So let’s try to formulate the secret of ideal parenting in one simple sentence!

 

1 Pain hunting is a method developed and patented by Seitov Olzhas in 2019, the essence of which is the complete elimination of mental pain without kickbacks and side effects. The method is described in detail in the book Euphoria in 90 minutes.

 

In fact, there is one specific answer to this question. Everyone knows it. You have all had at one time or another a vague idea of ​​how to properly raise a child. And each of you could describe in detail this ideal parenting style and perhaps intuitively use it in practice.

 

This simple answer is:

 

Raise your child the way you would like to have been raised as a child.

 

If you ask yourself, “How would I like to have been raised as a child?” your subconscious mind will give you a lot of information. Some points your subconscious will give to you through bad memories and pain, and some with clear awareness. But the most interesting thing is that if other people also complete this task, and you compare your description with their description, you will find a lot in common. Most likely, you will have 90% of the same information.

 

I would expect each person to list the following:

 

– I would like to be loved.

– I would like to be understood.

– I would not like to be punished, but for my parents to calmly explain my mistakes.

– I would like to be treated with respect, even when I am young (3-4 years old).

– I would like my opinion to always be taken into account when making decisions.

– I would like to be protected from external threats.

– I don’t want my parents to ignore me.

– I would like it if my parents supported me.

– I don’t want my parents to ever devalue me.

– I would like it if my parents never showed me their conflicts.

– I would like it if my parents were interested in my inner world.

– I would like it if my parents were honest with me.

– I would like to be accepted completely and not compared to other children.

– I don’t want my parents to force me to do something I don’t want to do.

– I would like it if my parents respected my property and didn’t take away my valuables or toys from me.

 

For some people this list will be longer, and for others shorter. But the above points are the most important and common needs of the soul. Each person, in addition to the body and social status, has a soul. The soul has no color, race, height, weight or national or religious characteristics. And when a child isn’t raised in the right way, it is not usually the body of the child that suffers, but their soul!

 

In fact, in this list, I have already revealed all the secrets of a proper upbringing. You could already be finished with this book, because if you apply each of these points in your parenting style, it will be more than enough! You will already enter the 1% of society that raises children correctly. You can even make your own list, print it out for yourself and look at it from time to time and gradually adjust your parenting style.

 

But unfortunately, despite its simplicity, there are a lot of subtleties in this approach. The more negative beliefs a person has in their head, the harder it will be to follow this list. If a person is severely traumatized and stuck psychologically at the age of three, then they might write only three or four points: They want to be loved, pampered and allowed to do whatever they want. And if a person is stuck at the age of thirteen, they will talk about not wanting their parents to interfere in their affairs.

 

There are people whose situations are even more difficult. They will read the last couple of pages with disapproval, and have the following thought: “Well, you never know what our soul wants. Children must be raised strictly, and not as their soul wants!” Such thinking is common among people who grew up in conservative families, or among those who grew up without love. I want to address these people directly: Please don’t jump to conclusions.

 

Try to imagine for a minute that you received an upbringing based on the above points that fulfill the desires of the soul. You would then be a completely different person now, wouldn’t you? Would you become selfish from such upbringing? Would you become too moody or spoiled? Would you have grown up irresponsible or unadapted to life? Of course not. Quite the opposite!

 

In that case, you would have a healthy self-esteem, people would love you more and you would be respected simply for being yourself. You would achieve many things in life without stress and without major losses and sacrifices. You would have harmony in life, and you would calmly find a balance between work and personal life. You would be confident, filled with wisdom and love and you would not be constantly struggling to heal yourself with different methods. It doesn’t sound that bad, does it?

 

After reading a lot of books about raising children, I was horrified that the most important part of a person, their soul – and the concept of the integrity of the personality – is completely ignored. Many authors write about how to properly subdue a child; basically they teach how to force them to do what their parents want. They write about how to make children more disciplined and even about how to manipulate them correctly. But rarely does anyone write that you should understand your child and respect them as an individual.

 

If a child is capricious there is a reason why. If a teenager rebels there is a reason for it. If they don’t study well, become distracted or even fight with their siblings, it is for a reason. The answer is in their subconscious mind.

 

So, instead of trying to put things in order, forever dealing with the consequences of a child’s poor behavior, take just one very well-aimed shot:

FIND THE REASON FOR A CHILD’S BAD BEHAVIOR AND REMOVE IT.

 

After that, your problems with the child will be resolved once and for all. Some people believe that in order to raise a child, you have to turn your family into an army. No, you don’t have to implement a military order in your daily life. Your children are not soldiers. They are individuals, just like you, with their own uniqueness, own personality and strengths, needs, goals, desires and dreams.

 

Your task as a parent is not to try to raise all children equally, ignoring their uniqueness, but to understand the soul of each child as accurately as possible and give them exactly what their soul wants!

 

That is why the book is titled Parenting with Mathematical Precision. In this book, you will learn to clearly understand what your growing child is lacking, to see exactly what you should give to get the opposite effect, to accurately satisfy their need and never return to the issue.

 

The parenting that I describe in this book is fundamentally different from other books in that you will learn to deeply connect with the child, not to fight against them. You will learn to understand them even better than they understand themselves! You will learn how to raise them so beautifully that your children will be able to reach their maximum potential.

 

The relationship between you and your children will be deep and positive too.

 

This transformation doesn’t require years. A few months, maybe even a few weeks will be enough, but it will depend on your determination to implement everything you study in this book.

 

Let’s get to the point now. We have already discussed how your child, in addition to having a body and social status, also has a soul. If the soul is healthy, then the child will be happy and successful. And if there is a lot of pain in the soul, then they will be reserved, shy, apathetic, aggressive or have problems at school or work.

 

So how to preserve the integrity of their soul as much as possible? What is the soul that we know so little about in psychology and religion? Why is it so important that the soul does not suffer?

 

We will talk about this in the next chapter!